I woke up to the sound of my sister's voice. Four hours of sleep and I have finished homework. I didn't expect his voice though. It was an instant slap to my half-awake face. What the fuck is he doing here? What the fuck does he want? His existence is pointless and insignificant. He leaves on Wednesday. Before anything can be changed. Before something can happen. Never enough time to set things right, but things like that only happen in movies and dreams. Life just slaps it out of you and you're out on your own. Oh wells. "Dad's" home; as if nothing had ever changed. Like he hasn't left and had lived here the entire time. Hell no. Things change.
Oh wells.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tour 2012
WEDNESDAY NIGHT 4/25/12
Got on the bus at 8 ish and drove to Fresno. Arrived at the hotel around 1.
THURSDAY 4/26/12
@2 AM
Go to Mark's room, then Tuan's room, then Teddy's room. Had fun ! <3 Playing cards, listening to stories, and chilling out. Slept at around 4 and woke up at like 7. Ate breakfast and got in the bus again. Went to Calstate Fresno for a band clinic. We did play better, but I don't think that we're going to play that ever again, sadly. D: It was pretty though! They have a rose garden and it was wonderful; So many colors !
Back on the bus and we go to eat pizza and play billiards. I teamed up with Oscar and played against Jeffrey and Arthur. Arthur and I bet that if he wins, he gets a picture of Mark and me kissing and if I win, I get a picture of Arthur and Xuan kissing. I won ! We made a second bet that if I win, I get a picture of William and Janet kissing, and if Arthur wins, he get s a picture of Mark and me kissing. I still won; Thanks to Oscar! ^__^Y
Left and went to go play at a old people's home. It was pretty fun :D
Left again and went back to the hotel to change into semi formal wear to the dinner theater for a buffet and a play. We watched dirty rotten scoundrels and it was pretty funny. The food was good, the singing was beautiful, the story was coolios. I liked it !
Got back to the hotel and I get a massive stomach ache. D: Got some medicine from Oscar and worked on AP. Mark came to visit which made me really happy. I really wanted to focus on AP so I told him to leave D: I finished up to number 12 before I went out to Teddy's room again with Irena. We just watched them play cards and chill out. Mao is a wonderful and horrible game. It's so fun though ! Omg, so crazy. I took a detour to Mark's room before I went back to my room to sleep. And I just lay next to Mark. he was under the covers and Ryan yelled at him and said that he was an ass for not giving me any of the covers. heh, funny. I stayed for about ten minutes then left to go shower, pack, then sleep. Whew, so tiring.
FRIDAY 4/27/12
Woke up at 5:30am and got ready. Ate breakfast and loaded onto the bus. Long ass drive to Yosemite, but eh. I still had a stomach ache, but I pulled through. At the arrival, we were allowed to go wherever we wanted, so Mark, Irena, Celine, Tuan, Linda, Brandon, Vincent, Anthony, Leo, Joselyn, and I took a hike to Mirror Lake. It was the longest walk ever, but was still fun! So memorable.
Went to the buffet to eat dinner and the food was BEAUTIFUL. I loved it ! ^__^Y I was so full after, haha
Then we went back to our cabins and Celine, Irena, and I were playing some games, but we never finished because people kept coming into our cabin and interrupting. It was ok, because when Leo and Hien came in, we talked about funny stuff. Like romance and first kisses. haha ! Definitely something to remember too! Leo's sooo cute! Hien's really funny, haha. Then we went to sleep. haha !
SATURDAY 4/28/12
Woke up at 6am for a shower. It was HELLA cold. Omg. Took a long ass shower and Celine and Irena thought that I died or something for taking such a long shower. PSh, LOL Then we went to eat breakfast and one again, the food was beautiful and I loved it. :D We went back to the cabin and packed up again. I got three pills from Irena because I really didn't want to be awake for the ride. So I knocked out and at the stop for gas, I got three more pills from Oscar and knocked out again. What I didn't anticipate was how much stronger Oscar's pills were and went a bit crazy after a few hours when we made another stop in Solvang for our performance to the public. I didn't have my flip folder, so I either had to look at Dean's music, Pedro's music, or play by memory. Which sucks because I'm significantly shorter than everyone. D:
Afterwards, everyone had around 2 hours to go and chill out. I went to go eat subway with Mark, then we walked around aimlessly. I bought some cookies for my mom and some little trinkets for Tiff, Xiu, and my sister which were a ring, a pin, and a bracelet respectively. I think that they're pretty. ^__^
Then we saw Tuan, Aaron, Irena, Celine, Brandon, and Vincent. They were playing cards so we joined them. We played Egyptian War which is the best card game ever ! <3 Then we went back to the bus and Mark went to my seat and we sat with each other for a bit, then Irena came. We left Solvang and were on our way back to San Gabriel. Irena and I played a few games of 'I never' and 'I have' which was kind of fun. I was so tired though, so we both just knocked out. We arrived at school and unloaded. I saw Mark and kind of held onto him because I didn't want to leave.. D: I was so tired, so Mark made me promise him that I'll shower then sleep immediately. I did and slept until 9.
And this is the story of my very first band tour.
Lovin' it.
<3
Got on the bus at 8 ish and drove to Fresno. Arrived at the hotel around 1.
THURSDAY 4/26/12
@2 AM
Go to Mark's room, then Tuan's room, then Teddy's room. Had fun ! <3 Playing cards, listening to stories, and chilling out. Slept at around 4 and woke up at like 7. Ate breakfast and got in the bus again. Went to Calstate Fresno for a band clinic. We did play better, but I don't think that we're going to play that ever again, sadly. D: It was pretty though! They have a rose garden and it was wonderful; So many colors !
Back on the bus and we go to eat pizza and play billiards. I teamed up with Oscar and played against Jeffrey and Arthur. Arthur and I bet that if he wins, he gets a picture of Mark and me kissing and if I win, I get a picture of Arthur and Xuan kissing. I won ! We made a second bet that if I win, I get a picture of William and Janet kissing, and if Arthur wins, he get s a picture of Mark and me kissing. I still won; Thanks to Oscar! ^__^Y
Left and went to go play at a old people's home. It was pretty fun :D
Left again and went back to the hotel to change into semi formal wear to the dinner theater for a buffet and a play. We watched dirty rotten scoundrels and it was pretty funny. The food was good, the singing was beautiful, the story was coolios. I liked it !
Got back to the hotel and I get a massive stomach ache. D: Got some medicine from Oscar and worked on AP. Mark came to visit which made me really happy. I really wanted to focus on AP so I told him to leave D: I finished up to number 12 before I went out to Teddy's room again with Irena. We just watched them play cards and chill out. Mao is a wonderful and horrible game. It's so fun though ! Omg, so crazy. I took a detour to Mark's room before I went back to my room to sleep. And I just lay next to Mark. he was under the covers and Ryan yelled at him and said that he was an ass for not giving me any of the covers. heh, funny. I stayed for about ten minutes then left to go shower, pack, then sleep. Whew, so tiring.
FRIDAY 4/27/12
Woke up at 5:30am and got ready. Ate breakfast and loaded onto the bus. Long ass drive to Yosemite, but eh. I still had a stomach ache, but I pulled through. At the arrival, we were allowed to go wherever we wanted, so Mark, Irena, Celine, Tuan, Linda, Brandon, Vincent, Anthony, Leo, Joselyn, and I took a hike to Mirror Lake. It was the longest walk ever, but was still fun! So memorable.
Went to the buffet to eat dinner and the food was BEAUTIFUL. I loved it ! ^__^Y I was so full after, haha
Then we went back to our cabins and Celine, Irena, and I were playing some games, but we never finished because people kept coming into our cabin and interrupting. It was ok, because when Leo and Hien came in, we talked about funny stuff. Like romance and first kisses. haha ! Definitely something to remember too! Leo's sooo cute! Hien's really funny, haha. Then we went to sleep. haha !
SATURDAY 4/28/12
Woke up at 6am for a shower. It was HELLA cold. Omg. Took a long ass shower and Celine and Irena thought that I died or something for taking such a long shower. PSh, LOL Then we went to eat breakfast and one again, the food was beautiful and I loved it. :D We went back to the cabin and packed up again. I got three pills from Irena because I really didn't want to be awake for the ride. So I knocked out and at the stop for gas, I got three more pills from Oscar and knocked out again. What I didn't anticipate was how much stronger Oscar's pills were and went a bit crazy after a few hours when we made another stop in Solvang for our performance to the public. I didn't have my flip folder, so I either had to look at Dean's music, Pedro's music, or play by memory. Which sucks because I'm significantly shorter than everyone. D:
Afterwards, everyone had around 2 hours to go and chill out. I went to go eat subway with Mark, then we walked around aimlessly. I bought some cookies for my mom and some little trinkets for Tiff, Xiu, and my sister which were a ring, a pin, and a bracelet respectively. I think that they're pretty. ^__^
Then we saw Tuan, Aaron, Irena, Celine, Brandon, and Vincent. They were playing cards so we joined them. We played Egyptian War which is the best card game ever ! <3 Then we went back to the bus and Mark went to my seat and we sat with each other for a bit, then Irena came. We left Solvang and were on our way back to San Gabriel. Irena and I played a few games of 'I never' and 'I have' which was kind of fun. I was so tired though, so we both just knocked out. We arrived at school and unloaded. I saw Mark and kind of held onto him because I didn't want to leave.. D: I was so tired, so Mark made me promise him that I'll shower then sleep immediately. I did and slept until 9.
And this is the story of my very first band tour.
Lovin' it.
<3
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Band Tour: Fresno/Yosemite
I'm so excited ! ^__^ My first Band Tour! What a stress reliever. No school and homework until the end of Saturday. Whoooo!<3 Excited :3
Saturday, April 21, 2012
1984
Power is inflicting pain and humiliation. Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting together again in new shapes of your own choosing.
You are under the impression that hatred is more exhausting than love.
Sometimes they threaten you with something -- something you can't stand up to, can't even think about. Then you say, 'Don't do it to me, do it to somebody else, do it to so-and-so.' And perhaps you might pretend afterwards, that it was only a trick and that you said it to make them stop and didn't really mean it. But that isn't true. At the time when it happens you do mean it. You think there's no other way of saving yourself, and you're quite ready to save yourself that way.You want it to happen to the other person. You don't give a damn what they suffer. All you care about is yourself.
if you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.
if you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.
Friday, April 20, 2012
I'm there, but at the same time, I'm not.
I have a dense boyfriend. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what to do in a relationship much less know how a girl thinks. He's so impossible. He doesn't get a clue that maybe I'm upset or sad or I want to talk to him. Because he doesn't realize anything. He says things that push me away and doesn't realize that that hurts. It's saddening. I don't see why he would say that. Why would he say that...? He's not romantic and doesn't know where to go for dates. He doesn't realize that I enjoy just being with him so I don't mind if we do something boring. He doesn't realize that I don't need something fancy in order to be happy or to at least cherish. Sometimes, I think that he would rather be away from me. With his friends playing games or talking instead of talking to me because it seems that I'm just that insignificant. Sometimes, I feel like I don't even exist in his eyes. I'm there, but at the same time, I'm not. In the end, I still love him unconditionally, but at times, he's just so dense. Nothing gets through and he doesn't realize anything either. It's hard having to live like this, when you're not remembered as much as you'd like to be. Easily forgotten. Just like any other person. Tiring.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I don't get it. The one time that I want to do something, I'm rejected. I forgot the last time I had fun with my friends; I don't even have that many people that I call friends now. I'm so tired. Things keep piling up and I'm not keeping up with it anymore. I'm tired. I just want to do something for myself sometimes. Not for coach, not for my friends, not for my teachers, not for anyone. Some many things that I just want to stop doing. Like, for example, living.
One thing that I wanted that wasn't academic. And I'll probably never get it. Never.
One thing that I wanted that wasn't academic. And I'll probably never get it. Never.
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