Brian Anderson

Memories of him came and distorted my mind, ruined my thoughts. My eyes landed on a quaint wooden picture frame that laid on the ground enclosing an old yellowing photo of a young couple in their twenties. I stared few seconds longer, almost imprinting the lines of the two in my mind and recalling the effervescent laughter that filled my ears. I closed my eyes and reminisced the sweltering summer days that we spent together. Fingers intertwined with the heat pressing against us, we would stroll into town with smiles on our faces and laughter bubbling up in between words. I would occasionally look up at him and he would turn to me. My eyes would scan over his countenance and I would see his dark brown hair slightly overgrown but pushed aside away from his dark brown eyes. Flashing a crooked smirk, his hand held my hand tighter and my heart fluttered. Our feet knew just where to lead us and when we reached the--
I stopped myself before the tears fell. I opened my eyes and stared up at the sky to stop the tears that signified my weakness. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that again: recall memories that had ended years ago, think of him when he was so far away from my reach, fall into a phase of nostalgia. Just for a moment though I felt young again. My hands now covered with wrinkles and spots rose to fold over my lap as I stared off to the side at a nearby family of four. I sat for a few moments longer under the shade of a strong oak tree and heard a voice calling my name. I looked over my shoulder to find my young granddaughter calling me. With great effort and the help of my cane I stood, my eyes fell to the words engraved on a slab of polished stone "Brian Anderson, Beloved Son and Husband April 11, 1920 - March 24, 1944". My throat was choked with tears, still I managed to murmur ever so softly, "Goodbye, my love," as I turned to depart. 

I would.

By the time  I graduate, I'm going to be in about $100,000 in debt. That's a lot. A. Lot. Can I handle the incredible guilt that's going to hang over me as I venture through college? It's an investment right? That's what I keep telling myself. Maybe I shouldn't do it. Maybe..
She didn't do it. She was always talking about how she wanted to move and whatever. But she backed out. Got cold feet I guess as said by my other friend. I'm just so shocked though. She was looking forward to leaving this god forsaken place since, I don't know, sophomore year. And now she has the opportunity to go just about anywhere she wants to including her dream college. Why doesn't she take that chance? I would.

On another note.
You have really got to get your shit together. No more being lazy. No more sleeping the entire day away. No more. Starting to piss myself off. Go study calc, Or physics. or bio. something productive. you're not even caught up with your reading. You're probably like 200 pages behind. How dare you. Just five weeks left.
APR tomorrow.

Why do you lie to me?

What am I supposed to do? Do I give up my dreams and hopes and aspirations for your benefit? Is my purpose in life to make you happy? No, right? I have choices and opinions, right? Why can't you support me? Why am I always to blame? Honestly have I ever done anything right in your eyes? Because it seems that i'm always making the wrong choices and disappointing everyone left and right. You don't care. None of you care. Much less support me.
Every single one of you try and try and try to persuade me to cut my dreams short. Telling me the consequences my choices bring and that I should be careful.
Do not tell me how much this university costs. Do not tell me how many years it's going to take. Do not tell me that it might not work out in the end. Do not tell me how many miles away I would be. Do not tell me that I can't adjust. Do not tell me how difficult life would be. Do not tell me how lonely I would be. Do not tell me how hard life would be for you. Do not tell me that I don't know what I'm doing. But most of all, do not tell me that I'm not thinking about all this already. I've thought about this before. I still think about it and I can't believe that I'm starting to be persuaded by you.

Why.. Why do you tell me that you trust me but forget those very words when it counts? Why do you give me the false hope of telling me that you'll support me? That it's ok to make whatever decisions I want as long as I follow through with it? That no matter what I do, it's my decision and my life? Why do you lie to me?

I'm a dragon.

Drexel University Class of 2019.
The next five years will be spent in Philadelphia, PA and I can't wait. I'm so excited that I'm a little nervous.
The thing is... Is it the right choice? Should I really be going there when my family's here? I'm going to be so far away from everyone. I'm going to be all alone. Absolutely alone. NO one's going to be near me. Maggie,the nearest person that I frequent is going to be around 5 hours away. I'm isolated and I have no one. But that's part of it right? I'll make new friends. I'm not shy. I'm confident and outgoing. I am strong and independent. I will make it through my five years and come out victorious because there is no other option for me. There is no second choices nor chances to overthink. Do or die right?
I'm a dragon, bitches.