The bane of my existence

i'm so fucking tired of routine. I'm tired of people overcome with worry or stress. I'm tired of myself. Right now, I just want to cry my life away. just one day. That's all i need. A medium to exercise my emotions. I'm tired of expectations or being a "good girl". Fuck that. I'm tired of trying to be a perfect cutout for everyone. i just want to have a raw personality with wild desires to not do anything anymore.

Tears would roll down my cheeks and splatter on my light blue t-shirt that represented the LA marathon. My hands, busy trying to get work done, would raise occasionally to angrily wipe the salty drops which signified my weakness. I thought to myself, If the day would come when I could just do away with people, with life, with expectations, with restrictions, with ideals, with work, with reason, I wonder how much happier I would be. The bane of my existence was not being able to perform to my mother's expectations. My mother would then look at me with disdain and disgust and I would cower in fear and disappointment.