Time Flies by Me ...

Many many many many many things on my mind.

First off, today was the first time that I ditched school. Very first time. I've never even ditched a class before. It was nice though. I got to talk to my friend and catch up. I really enjoyed that. My day was going great.
After school ended, I made plans with other friends. It was rather confusing since it was all via text, but we managed. Grouped at a friend's house and then shifted to another friend's house. Ate at cafe spot and had lots of fun talking to them and making fun of each other.
Part of us ended up at my house and we just chilled until it was time for our band performance. My energy was still up and I was okay.
Band performance and the tour meeting after.
I think that was when my energy started to rapidly deplete. I just lost all motivation for social skills.
We decided to get drinks at Ten Ren's so that was nice. That was also the first time that I was seated in the trunk which was rather interesting.
Once we got there, I just hit rock bottom. I didn't really talk to them and I just kept to myself. I don't really know what happened. Was I just tired? I'm still not sure. One friend was rather depressed and I guess that brought my mood down a bit too. The other guys were obsessing over a new game and I just sat at the side staring aimlessly at the table. They noticed me and thought something was up, but not really. I don't think anything happened to me at least. 9 pm arrived and we decided to leave. Bill was paid, drinks were taken. I walked alone. Stoically driving everyone home, I just found solace in the radio pumping music in the background and the cold night air pressing against me. It was nice.
As the last person sat in my car, silence was eminent. He thought something happened and tried to make me laugh which is quite a simple task since I laugh at everything. He cheered me up a little, but once he left i just felt like everything crashed down again.
What am I going to do for college? How will I pay for it? What am I going to do? Why are there so many choices? What if I make the wrong one? Why do my parents always nag at me? Why won't they let me make my own choices? Why can't I make my own mistakes? Why can;t everyone just leave me alone? Why don't they see me the way that I see myself? Why am I even out with friends on a school night? Why should I even care about school? Why do I make friends? Why do I make an effort? How can someone's life be this fragile? Any decision could change a person's life forever.

Time flies by me, but I don't feel a single change in myself at all.

Ugh.

GOD STOP TALKING TO ME
I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF I FUCKING HATE TALKING TO YOU
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY  FACE
YOU'RE SO GODDAMN ANNOYING
GET
THE
FUCK
OUT
OMFG
LIL BITCH
CAN'T FUCKING DO SHIT
I SWEAR
WHY
WHY ME
WHY
I'M SO DONE WITH SHIT LIKE THIS
GOD
FUCKING FRUSTRATING BITCH
UGH
FUCK YOU.

Six months and ten days

Six months and ten days. It wad nice while it lasted, really, it was. I don't know what happened and maybe in the future, I'll see that it shouldn't have happened. But it did and I am much better off.
So it turns out that I am unable to commit. That's me. I probably won't ever be able to.
Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I feel free of guilt and obligation. Right now, I'm just trying to get through my last months of high school. Making as many memories as possible with as much friends as possible.

Sorrynotsorry

Holy fucking shit what is your fucking problem? I'm trying. I really am. You think ignoring me and not talking to me is going to make me feel bad? Oh my fucking god, you have got that shit wrong. It's almost a joy to not talk to you. You're so impossible. I really don't understand. You're like that slightly irritating person that everyone has to deal with. THAT SLIGHT IRRITATION PILES UP. NOW I'M JUST VERY IRRITATED.
This shit is not healthy. But you know what? Whatever. I am going to tough it out until graduation. That is unless you pull the cord. Which would almost be blissful for me because I am so done with this.
You.
Are.
Just.
Not.
Interesting.
I mean yea, you used to be interesting and chill. Now you're obsessive and bothersome.
please.
Take.
A
Hint
and
leave.

Sorrynotsorry.

i am so tired of people

I'm getting a little tired of being pissed off all the time. Ugh. Why can't I be happy? Why does everything need to piss me off. I just feel like everything bothers me to no extent. Omg, why do I even talk to people. Holy shit, I am so tired of people.