Tired.

Once again, I hate myself.

Tired, just so tired.
27.

I just can't wait to leave.

I hate bothering people.
I hate pissing people off especially when I don't even know I did.
I hate disappointing people because I disappoint myself enough.
I hate trying, but falling short.
I hate that I hide everything.
I hate the fact that I can't trust someone with everything.
I hate that I feel like a failure.
I hate feeling like my friends are expendable.
I hate the fact that people leave.
I hate being here.

I just can't wait to leave.
But at the same time, I want to make the most of my memories here.

What to do..
What to do, indeed.

Pet Peeve #4

People that unknowingly piss me off and simply continue to piss me off. 

Just. 

Get the fuck out.

I don't even want to look at you. 

Being the perfect daughter

One must never talk back. Everything said must be packed tight with smiles and diffident grace like a corset bound princess. Like a doll painted with a red stain twisted into a polite smile, a facade is necessary and an admired reputation is vital.
One must be patient. Good things come to those to wait; Or so one would think. Patience is a virtue and rush will prove to be fatal.
One must have an iron will because women are to face the most difficult challenges in life, the most turbulent of quandaries. Life choices are not just simple decisions of what kind of extravagant meal sits on the thin and embroidered china lying upon the rosewood table. But rather such choices are dependent on the secrecy and inconspicuous words of society and how a woman is to face these situations.
One must be at the top of one's class. With grades wrapped with A's and nothing less and respect that floats above like a halo on an angel. Attending to boorish classes and competing with people of all kinds, yet still protruding forward as the one and the only perfect student.
Being the perfect daughter.

I am none, nor will I ever, be any of these for I am not that perfect daughter. I'm just a simple child that undergoes the crude transformation of an innocent child to a rude insolent teenager. I'm not always happy, and I don't plan on pleasing everyone's needs especially when I have to sacrifice my own time and happiness. I'm not a silent daughter that accepts criticism left and right, yet still is able to manage to move forward and stay strong. I'm not. I trip and fall. I stumble and cry. I stop and I feel as if i can't move on. i'm stuck and I'm lost and I don't want to go forward anymore.

I can't stop here though.

One by one, we will continue to fall

Getting drunk on the drops of self pity and despair will seize your heart and poison your soul. But that's ok. Because we are human and we need the pathetic effects of procaine to numb us as often as morning coffee. The snaking anesthesia coursing through our veins because we're too weak to cope with pain, rejection, guilt, envy, and failure.
It's when we adapt from the sobriety of childhood to the intoxication of young adults to a constant indulgence that we have fallen. One by one, we will continue to fall; such sweet children-- so easily susceptible to the quandaries laid out by the role models-- fall prey to us.
It's time to revive the 18th amendment and refine ourselves. To strip away the stilts and canes. The crutches and handicaps. The boosters and braces. For we are able to stand alone; It is by choice that we have corrupted so.

Happy birthday, dumb fuck.