I don't understand why people are so stupid. Sophomores are so fucking stupid. Everyone is so fucking stupid. I'm so tired of people and trying to work things out. Why can't people be more self reliant ? Why are people so dependent on someone else? High school means that it's time for you to grow the fuck up and out of middle school and act a bit more mature. It's time for people to grow the fuck up and understand that life's a bitch. More the fuck on so stop making a fucking big ass deal over nothing. The world does not fucking revolve around you so get out of the fucking way an stop making a scene.
I hate life. Kill me now. Buy me pills and let me swallow them by the bottle.
I have no idea how many times this thought runs through my head every day. I don't cut or burn or hurt myself in anyway (intentionally). But sometimes I just want to get away from it all. To leave and never come back. Death by overdose seems so cowardly though. You don't face the disappointment on people's faces when they lean over your coffin. You don't give an explanation or reason. Take it with you to the grave. Make people's lives more interesting as they try to figure it out. Many elaborate and philosophical accounts can be made but none truer that the fact that you hate everyone and everything therefore you just want to leave it all behind.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Revolution
One note at a time.
History is fiction.
Stand on a stage and hold the hearts of men in your hands. Make them laugh with a gesture, cry with a word. Make them love you. And you will know what true power is.
And yet it is hard even now for me to hate him, for i believe he meant no hard. You would not beat your dog because he is not a cat. He was born a dog and cannot change it. The king was born a king and could not change that either.
Because God loves us, but the devil takes an interest.
You are hungry... And yet, the hunger in your gut is nothing compared to that in your soul.
Because when I am them, I am not me.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. ... I was not to die that night. That would have been a mercy. I was to be reborn.
It was my soul I thought to barter, yes, and gladly I'd have given it, for it is a small thing and of no value to me. But it was not my soul that was taken, no. It was my heart.
The fables had failed you. Once upon a time never was. There's no kindly hunstman. No fairy godmother. There's only the wolf. Grown so bold now, he strolls the streets of Paris picking his teeth with and infant's rib. Nothing changes, sparrow. Can't you see that? The world goes on, as stupid and brutal tomorrow as it was today.
The world goes on stupid and brutal, but I do not. Can't you see? I do not.
History is fiction.
Stand on a stage and hold the hearts of men in your hands. Make them laugh with a gesture, cry with a word. Make them love you. And you will know what true power is.
And yet it is hard even now for me to hate him, for i believe he meant no hard. You would not beat your dog because he is not a cat. He was born a dog and cannot change it. The king was born a king and could not change that either.
Because God loves us, but the devil takes an interest.
You are hungry... And yet, the hunger in your gut is nothing compared to that in your soul.
Because when I am them, I am not me.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. ... I was not to die that night. That would have been a mercy. I was to be reborn.
It was my soul I thought to barter, yes, and gladly I'd have given it, for it is a small thing and of no value to me. But it was not my soul that was taken, no. It was my heart.
The fables had failed you. Once upon a time never was. There's no kindly hunstman. No fairy godmother. There's only the wolf. Grown so bold now, he strolls the streets of Paris picking his teeth with and infant's rib. Nothing changes, sparrow. Can't you see that? The world goes on, as stupid and brutal tomorrow as it was today.
The world goes on stupid and brutal, but I do not. Can't you see? I do not.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Smiling.
Give me a reason to smile. Why should I even? I want to die everyday or sleep forever. Why should I even.
I don't understand how much I hate everyone and everything. I hate band. I hate tennis. I hate people. I hate school. I hate life. I hate everything so much, I just want to stay home and cry forever. I don't see the point of even living.
You're born, you live through bullshit, then you die buried and surrounded by bullshit. Where's the meaning? There was never a meaning in the first place. There is no reason for your existence. You were never meant to accomplish something. You just happened to exist. It's the randomness in the universe that make up who you are. The chance that electricity, carbon, water, and other substances happened to react with each other and create a prokaryotic cell. It is through series of mutations that the prokaryote became a eukaryote. In order survive, eukaryotes were forced to produce definite structures and became more elaborate organisms. Where is it noted that God or reason created you. There is no "plan" or "reason" to live. You are one of many and you will never be remembered. Emotions are a lie. Like a book that you read to pass time. You need something to do while you waste away and end up being forgotten and unimportant. Nothing matters. Your friends that you call best friends since kindergarten don't matter. Your boyfriend of two years doesn't matter. Your small minuscule accomplishments don't matter. Your alma mater doesn't matter. Your lack of potential or your overwhelming persistence doesn't matter. Your memories from your very first memory at age 4 to your very last memory on your death bed at age 86 don't matter. In essence, you don't matter.
Why live? Why should you continue to live in this world where you don't matter and just waste resources? Why should you continue to lie to yourself that you can make a difference in the world and impact other people's lives when, in all honesty, you won't.
I don't understand how much I hate everyone and everything. I hate band. I hate tennis. I hate people. I hate school. I hate life. I hate everything so much, I just want to stay home and cry forever. I don't see the point of even living.
You're born, you live through bullshit, then you die buried and surrounded by bullshit. Where's the meaning? There was never a meaning in the first place. There is no reason for your existence. You were never meant to accomplish something. You just happened to exist. It's the randomness in the universe that make up who you are. The chance that electricity, carbon, water, and other substances happened to react with each other and create a prokaryotic cell. It is through series of mutations that the prokaryote became a eukaryote. In order survive, eukaryotes were forced to produce definite structures and became more elaborate organisms. Where is it noted that God or reason created you. There is no "plan" or "reason" to live. You are one of many and you will never be remembered. Emotions are a lie. Like a book that you read to pass time. You need something to do while you waste away and end up being forgotten and unimportant. Nothing matters. Your friends that you call best friends since kindergarten don't matter. Your boyfriend of two years doesn't matter. Your small minuscule accomplishments don't matter. Your alma mater doesn't matter. Your lack of potential or your overwhelming persistence doesn't matter. Your memories from your very first memory at age 4 to your very last memory on your death bed at age 86 don't matter. In essence, you don't matter.
Why live? Why should you continue to live in this world where you don't matter and just waste resources? Why should you continue to lie to yourself that you can make a difference in the world and impact other people's lives when, in all honesty, you won't.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Why don't you go fuck yourself in the face.
I've always hated your lack of responsibility. Your lack of common sense. Your lack of courtesy. Your lack of manners. Your lack of feelings. Your lack of feelings .Your lack of compassion. Your lack of loyalty. I don't understand how someone could lack one of these qualities much less all of them.
I don't think you realize how naive you are. You're almost a joke.
I wish that I was like Alice from resident Evil. I could have a gun and knives and explosives and fuck shit up. I could go up to the people I don't like and say, " Why don't you go fuck yourself in the face."
There's too much hate and frustration and anger in me.
I don't think you realize how naive you are. You're almost a joke.
I wish that I was like Alice from resident Evil. I could have a gun and knives and explosives and fuck shit up. I could go up to the people I don't like and say, " Why don't you go fuck yourself in the face."
There's too much hate and frustration and anger in me.
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