Smiling.

Give me a reason to smile. Why should I even? I want to die everyday or sleep forever. Why should I even.
I don't understand how much I hate everyone and everything. I hate band. I hate tennis. I hate people. I hate school. I hate life. I hate everything so much, I just want to stay home and cry forever. I don't see the point of even living.
You're born, you live through bullshit, then you die buried and surrounded by bullshit. Where's the meaning? There was never a meaning in the first place. There is no reason for your existence. You were never meant to accomplish something. You just happened to exist. It's the randomness in the universe that make up who you are. The chance that  electricity, carbon, water, and other substances happened to react with each other and create a prokaryotic cell. It is through series of mutations that the prokaryote became a eukaryote. In order survive, eukaryotes were forced to produce definite structures and became more elaborate organisms. Where is it noted that God or reason created you.  There is no "plan" or "reason" to live. You are one of many and you will never be remembered. Emotions are a lie. Like a book that you read to pass time. You need something to do while you waste away and end up being forgotten and unimportant. Nothing matters. Your friends that you call best friends since kindergarten don't matter. Your boyfriend of two years doesn't matter. Your small minuscule accomplishments don't matter. Your alma mater doesn't matter. Your lack of potential or your overwhelming persistence doesn't matter. Your memories from your very first memory at age 4 to your very last memory on your death bed at age 86 don't matter. In essence, you don't matter.
Why live? Why should you continue to live in this world where you don't matter and just waste resources? Why should you continue to lie to yourself that you can make a difference in the world and impact other people's lives when, in all honesty, you won't.