Who needs me anyways?

Sometimes I feel like I should purposely fuck up just to get your attention.
Straight Fs and you still wouldn't care. Why would you need to? You have her. My existence is pointless. You don't need me. I'm just a waste of your time. You wouldn't be able to withstand a second glance at me. You act as if everything I do is the bane of your existence. Why should I have to work hard anyways. I can just die after high school; I'm not going to go far in college. That way, you don't have to pay for my college education. You don't even have to remember me because I'll be dead. Who needs me anyways? You wouldn't support me if your life depended on it. All your time, your efforts, your money go to her. When have you cared about what I do? The volunteer events that I go to are towards my future, but you've never heard of that before me because she never went to any. The things I do different are shot down and they just crumble beneath your judgmental gaze. What can I do right? What can I possibly do to make you happy? Why should I keep trying? Where are the "fruits" of my hard work? They don't exist.
I'm so tired of trying to get your approval. You don't care about me anyways. I'm nothing in your eyes.

Fuck it.
I don't hate her. I just hate the comparison. The difference in affection. I hate that.